35 Naughty Christmas Cards That Will Make You Blush
35 Naughty Christmas Cards That Will Make You Blush. Christmas is on its way and so are all the cards with cheesy family photos we are about to start discovering in our mailboxes. Why not be honest with ourselves for a change and reflect on what Christmas is REALLY about: too much food, ugly sweaters, annoying family members, useless gifts, and an empty bank account. It’s such a wonderful time of the year to veg out and binge Christmas specials on TV. And what can be better than revealing your true Christmas spirit in a form of a witty, dark-humored card that will make your grandma’s skin crawl and your parents wonder what’s wrong with you. And even if the only person who will appreciate your sense of humor is your uncle who everyone says has lost touch with reality, not to worry, the important part is that you stayed true to yourself.
We’re still laughing at these creatively naughty Christmas cards we wish our families were cool enough to send out. Put that “Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer” song on, pour yourself a glass of wine, and check out these 35 hilarious top picks we took the liberty of compiling together for your entertainment.
Jealous
“So, you’re spending the holidays alone? I’m so jealous.”
Image via Instagram
Revenge
“And for this, I will poop in your shoe.”
Image via Instagram
Where Are We?
“Rudolph…Where are we?”
Image via Instagram
No Tongues
“No tongues”
Image via Instagram
Three Wise Men
“When you find three wise men please let me know”
Image via Instagram
Jesus Loves You
“Jesus loves you (but I’m His favorite)”
Image via Instagram
Conspiracy
“An international conspiracy designed to get kids to behave. Now that’s a holiday.”
Image via Instagram
Tinsel
“Have you seen the tinsel?” “No.”
Image via Instagram
Can't Deal
“You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why: Because Santa just can’t deal with all your emotions right now.”
Image via Instagram
Can We Get Drunk?
“Is it Christmas now? And can we get drunk?”
Image via Instagram
Roast Your Chestnuts
“This Christmas I’d like to roast your chestnuts”
Image via Instagram
Just Like Your Girlfriend
“Christmas only comes once a year just like your girlfriend”
Image via Facebook
Getting Lit
“The tree isn’t the only thing getting lit this year.”
Image via Instagram
Ya Filthy Animal
“Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal”
Image via Instagram
Best Season
“‘Tis the season to drink too much with the coworkers, friends, & family who are the reason you drink too much…”
Image via Instagram
Let's Be Naughty
“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip”
Image via Instagram
Freezing
“You have yourself a Merry Christmas. Meanwhile I’ll just stand here, freezing my balls off.”
Image via Instagram
Horror Santa
“Santa Claus is coming to town!”
“He’s gonna find out!”
“He sees you when you’re sleeping!”
Image via Instagram
Google Maps
“See!? Right where Google Maps said it would be!”
Image via Instagram
Naughty AF
“Let’s be naughty AF”
Image via Instagram
Boring
“Whore! Whore! Whore! Ah, you’ve been boring, you can have a present”
Image via Instagram
Tis The Season…For Xanax
“‘Tis the season for Xanax”
Image via Instagram
You Have Me
“You have me so…I don’t know what else you could possibly wish for…but knock yourself out.”
Image via Instagram
Touch My Elf
“Remember to put out for Santa!!!”
“Let’s drink mulled wine & talk utter sh*t!”
“When I think of you…I touch my ‘elf…”
Image via Instagram
“From the desk of Santa: I’ve seen your Instagram…you’re getting sweaters and a bible for Christmas. Love, Santa”
Image via Instagram
Well Hung
“The stockings aren’t the only things well-hung this year.”
Image via Instagram
Excited
“We all get a little excited this time of year.”
Image via Instagram
Don't Be a Prick
“It’s Christmas (don’t be a prick)”
Image via Instagram
Did I Miss Much?
“Happy hibernation!”
“Did I miss much?”
“Christmas”
Image via Instagram
This Christmas
“This Christmas instead of gifts, I’m giving everyone…my opinions! You’re welcome.”
Image via Instagram
White Christmas
“Stop dreaming of a white Christmas, you massive racist”
Image via Instagram
Merry Twerk-Mas
“Merry Twerk-mas”
Image via Instagram
Card For Co-Workers
“From: You
“To: Someone at your work
“Subject: Merry Christmas
“Have a lovely Christmas. I’ve really enjoyed* working with you this year.”
“*I say enjoyed – it’s been bearable.”
Image via Instagram
B*tch Please
“B*tch, please”
Image via Instagram
Bloated
“It’s the most wonderful bloated time of the year”
Image via Instagram