10 Unforgivable Healthy Alternatives to Thanksgiving Classics
The holidays are coming up, and that means people will be eating whatever they want. Granted, there are those that are on a diet and try to prepare healthy foods. Then there are those that are on a strict diet and can’t eat certain things, like vegans. Instead of normal Thanksgiving food that guests are used to, they may be served items that are “healthy.”
Okay, so, we’re all for eating healthy. There’s nothing wrong with that, but Thanksgiving? Really? Isn’t anything sacred? While some dishes can be extremely delicious, some “healthy” alternatives are an insult to the dishes we’ve come to love and look forward to every year. This American holiday should be filled with full-fat, full-flavored dishes that make our mouths water just looking at them. Some healthy dishes just don’t fit that bill. It’s like having turkey bacon. Turkey bacon is fine as long as bacon has never touched our lips. After that, turkey bacon can’t even be a shadow of bacon.
Today, we’re going over 10 “healthy” alternatives that should never be served to anyone. They’re cutting flavor and the food we adore. Frankly, we think it’s not okay to make healthy food on thanksgiving, but if there’s no other option, just try and stay away from these 10 dishes. Our plan is to eat healthy on other days of the month but avoid these healthy dishes when it counts.
Tofurky vs. Turkey
If you don’t eat meat, then at least stop insulting turkey with this imposter and just eat the veggie dishes on the table instead. Thank you.
The rest of us want a delicious turkey (or ham….or both) for our holidays. It’s one of the few times of year we can eat what we want without guilt.
Broccoli Purée vs. Mashed Potatoes
No. No, no, no. This is not acceptable. Don’t you dare bring this on Thanksgiving. I won’t let you inside!
Nothing beats mashed potatoes. Potatoes are a staple of our lives, and we’re not going to have them replaced with anything else!
Kale Stuffing vs. Traditional Stuffing
How. Dare. You. The traditional stuffing recipe is perfect, and you don’t mess with success!
Whether you actually stuff it or make it like a dressing, it doesn’t matter. This kale stuff is an offense to the nation.
Quinoa Apple Cake vs. Apple Pie
Why would anyone think this is a good idea? It’s not the same, and the health factor does not make it any easier to swallow.
Pies aren’t supposed to be healthy anyway. They’re awful for you but amazing for your tongue. That’s the whole point. It may look delicious, but there’s deceit underneath.
Vegan Gravy vs. Turkey Gravy
Excuse me? Did you fall down and smack your little head on the pavement? Vegan gravy has no place on my mound of turkey and dressing.
We both know it isn’t going to have that turkey flavor that makes it so, so good. It’s like all the other vegan stuff — a sham!
Steamed Green Beans vs. Green Bean Casserole
I’m sorry, but if you think that some healthy, butter-free green beans can replace the hallowed green bean casserole, then you are deranged.
It just isn’t the holidays if you don’t have a green bean casserole. It’s the best part of dinner, and everyone knows it.
Roasted Cauliflower vs. Twice-Baked Potatoes
Yeah, cauliflower is delicious. No, it does not have a place among the sacred Thanksgiving foods of legend.
We want crispy, starchy potatoes on Thanksgiving. You can make vegetables any other day of the year (except Christmas).
Gluten-Free Pie Crust vs. Regular Pie Crust
Consider your automatic invitation to family Thanksgiving dinner revoked, because no one would do this to people they love.
We get it if you have a gluten allergy, but the rest of us? We want the real thing. Give us the gluten and give it to us now.
Quinoa Mac and Cheese vs. Traditional Mac and Cheese
Mac and cheese is like Apollo, and the Thanksgiving table is Mount Olympus. Not the most powerful player, but the other gods/foods simply aren’t the same without him, and life feels empty without his sunshine-yellow aura.
It’s about time people stop pushing this quinoa mess on us. You’d think the fact that it tastes like soap if you don’t wash it well enough would be a sign.
Vegan Pumpkin Pie vs. Regular Pumpkin Pie
Just…no. You can’t cut out entire ingredients and expect the pie to be as creamy and fluffy and delicious. Vegan pumpkin pie is like the Indominus rex in Jurassic World. It just messes everything up.
Not to mention, it doesn’t have the silky smooth consistency of actual pumpkin pie. It needs the milk and eggs to make it actually GOOD.