We’ve all had embarrassing moments, but you might as well just leave your pride at the door when you go in for a doctor’s appointment. It’s never exactly a fun experience, but if you’ve ever had any of these things happen, you know just how bad it can really be.
Going to the gynecologist. Period.
While any doctor visit can be uncomfortable, going to the gynecologist takes the cake for being the most humiliating of all. From getting felt up to trying to awkwardly chat with your doctor while they are elbow deep in your lady parts, this is an appointment that you spend all year dreading and another year recovering from—before you have to do it all over again.
Not to mention the urge to hide your underwear… from the person who’s seeing everything else. It doesn’t make sense, but you’re going to keep doing it because it gives you just a little bit of control back.
…and your bowel movements
Just because we all poop doesn’t mean you want to discuss the size, shape, color, and frequency with a virtual stranger—especially when they raise their eyebrows and shake their head in response, making you think you must be dying.
They should let you do your business in peace! Some details should never leave the four walls of your bathroom.
When you have to go into graphic detail about your intimate life
Is this really relevant to the diagnosis, doc? And how many times do I have to tell you I don’t need to be tested for STDs.
Also, how active is active? Do you need to divulge your entire history or do they just want a quick run down? You never know how to answer their questions, and they won’t stop asking them.
When you’re in the waiting room on Facebook and accidentally play a loud video
Your fingers won’t work, your phone freezes up, and you’re forced to just sit there while everyone stares at you like you’ve grown a second head.
Suddenly you feel like your parents, watching every video at full volume without a care in the world. But you definitely do care, and you’re mortified.
When you’ve got to grin and bear it while you bare it all
Why can’t those paper gowns just cover everything? Even though you know that your butt isn’t the first one your doctor has seen (and certainly won’t be the last), you can’t help but wonder if they’re judging you for the weird birth mark on the right cheek that only your mother has ever laid eyes on.
Then, what if they’re talking about you behind your back? They’re not, but the worry is always there.
When you have to give a urine sample and you miss the cup
There is literally no easy way to pee in a cup, but you still feel like a failure every single time.
This is especially true for women. That way of doing things simply wasn’t designed with them in mind!
When you gag because of a tongue depressor
You have to summon every single ounce of your willpower not to hurl right in the doctor’s face.
Maybe doctors shouldn’t be shoving things down your throat, and then they wouldn’t be in such a precarious situation!
When you wake up from surgery still loopy and spouting nonsense
Even worse: When you take it upon yourself to ask your cute doctor on a date (because your filter is nowhere to be found)—all while your face is swollen and lumpy, and you’re drooling blood.
This has been made even worse with smartphones. No, your family doesn’t need a video of you spouting nonsense after surgery to hold over your head for the rest of your life, and yet they get one anyway.
When you start crying for no reason
Your paralyzing fear of needles is a heavily guarded secret, but now that your doctor has witnessed your hysteria, you have no choice but to simply melt into a puddle of shame.
There’s also crying because a doctor won’t listen to you or because a doctor finally does listen to you. Listen, advocating for yourself is super stressful!
When you have no control over your inconvenient and unexpected arousal
Whether you’ll admit it or not, this has happened to most guys at least once. An attractive nurse happens to be the one who is holding your testicles while they instruct you to “turn your head and cough.” It’s a recipe for disaster, really. But hey, at least they’re professional about it and pretend not to notice.
Suddenly you’re back to feeling like a teenage boy and now you can’t even look your doctor in the eyes.